i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
