That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
