I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
