brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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