What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
