I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
