he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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