Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So many bounce houses so little time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
