Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
