Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
