how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
