Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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