we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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