I met the friendliest cop last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You're like the curious george of whores
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
