i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
