If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
