she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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