planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
