my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
