Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
