Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
