His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
