we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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