i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
