So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
