just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
