This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
