I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
