maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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