apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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