I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
