my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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