Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
