this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
