I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
