Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I got inside last night via doggy door
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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