I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
