K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
