i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
