My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
two words: eviction party
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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