um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
