My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
