I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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