I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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