Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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