I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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