I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
