Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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