I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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