You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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